im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
