I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
