I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
