sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
