she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You may now shotgun with the bride
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
