i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
