You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
