New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
