Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
