the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
