I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
