i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
