nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
