My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i've created a new STD.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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