I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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