I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
