I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
