Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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