and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
