Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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