after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
