I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
