cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
