Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
