you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
