Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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