you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
