end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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