i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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