woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
