I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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