Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
