you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
