My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
