i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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