I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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