My balls are so social today.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We smell like vodka and hangover
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