Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
