I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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