Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
