I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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