it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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