Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
