I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
