Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
