marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just blew my weed a kiss
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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