TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
