I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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