then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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