Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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