you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
