Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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