Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
