doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
